The Set Up
A couple weeks ago a good friend told me that she wanted to hear what I had to say, not just links to other people’s writing and or thoughts. She was right, I have not been sharing as much as I ought, or as often as I might like. So I am trying to fix this.
What does that have to do with relationships?
Everything. If I don’t foster and maintain relationships with other people, single or not, I am not heading in a healthy direction. Me guided solely by me is a frightening thought, and I have been there, done that, and never want to again.
Because we have a solid foundation of friendship as the basis of our relationship, my friend is comfortable enough to call my bluff. And I am comfortable enough to swallow my pride and listen to what she has to say. Not just because she is right, but because our relationship matters to me. It makes me better, and, I trust, makes her better as well.
Friendship and Relationship
I don’t have any ground-breaking elucidation to share about the difference between friendship and relationship except to say that the terms do convey different things. Often relationship implies something more intimate while friendship implies something more platonic, and intimate does not necessarily mean romantic.
Before David was King of Israel, he was a soldier and servant of King Saul. Saul had a son, Jonathan, who we are told loved David as himself:
After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt. 1 Samuel 18:1-4
When David hears of Jonathan’s death, he writes a lament, saying:
I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother;
you were very dear to me.
Your love for me was wonderful,
more wonderful than that of women. (2 Samuel 1:26)
Love is part of relationship, and should be differentiated from our modern romanticized concept of love (a very limited concept, at that).
David’s lament tells us two things:
1. Love is bigger than romance, sex and marriage
2. A relationship grounded in Love is more fulfilling than any other, romantic or not
David and Jonathan did not love each other romantically – that theory is simply juvenile when you take context into account and understand the character of each man. The beautiful part of this story is that it portrays the power of healthy intimacy in friendship and relationship, and eschews the concept that intimacy is not macho. Both David and Jonathan were fierce warriors, undaunted by fear, confident in their faith in God.
Maybe their relationship was a model for the relationship God wants to have with us.