Some people just have all the luck and skill and become rich all by themselves. Feels that way sometimes, right? Well, there’s nothing further from the truth.
No one becomes wealthy in a vacuum, by themselves, or on a deserted island. Click to Tweet this!
Think about that image for a second.
An island. By yourself. Think Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
Just as no one has become wealthy completely on their own, none of us can become financially secure on our own. Whether formal advisory boards, like many wealthy people have, or more personal relationships with friends and family from whom we seek advice, we all need help from other people in our financial struggles and successes.
The Good News
You probably already have someone in your life who can or already does serve in this capacity. They are the person who holds you accountable for your financial decisions. They are the ones who call you out when you miss a utility payment because you just had to have the newest iPhone.
They are called an accountability partner.
The Bad News
You are going to experience some painful reality-slaps. You must listen to what your accountability partner is telling you, and be honest with yourself about what they reveal. If your accountability partner never makes you uncomfortable, never ruffles a few feathers, then they aren’t doing the job.
Married Couples
Guess who your accountability partner is. It’s your spouse. (I didn’t say they had to be perfect or financial whizzes).
One of the leading causes for divorce in the U.S. is disagreement over finances. One of the other leading causes is lack of communication.
Guess what – regular (say monthly) financial discussions could not only save your marriage, but is likely to improve it overall. Regular financial discussions are communication. If lack of communication leads to divorce, then any increase in communication is likely to prevent it.
Never having been married, I don’t have much practical advice to offer on how to communicate better with your spouse, other than this:
If you want to have more communication, you need to make time for more communication. Together. (Click to Tweet this!)
If you are having trouble communicating with your spouse in general, seek some help. This could be simply spending time talking with a more experienced married couple or more formally meeting with a marriage counselor.
Singles
So, what do you do if you are single, meaning no spouse and not living with a significant other? (For purposes of this discussion, your significant other would take the place of spouse in the married couples section above).
Who do you pick as an accountability partner? Scratch that – how do you know who to pick?
Great questions.
How do I know who to pick?
The person you pick needs to have certain qualities. Some essential qualities are listed here to help you get started, but feel free to add your own.
- They are trustworthy
- They have unquestionable integrity
- They are comfortable saying “No”
- They will never stop challenging you to try
- They will encourage you even when you fail or experience set backs
Who do I pick?
Now that you know the qualities of the person you are looking for, it is time to make a list of all the people in your circle of friends and family. It can be helpful if you use index cards, writing one name on each card (disclosure: this idea is borrowed from Jon Acuff’s latest book, “Do Over“).
Follow the steps below to process these names, and keep in mind that this is not a good vs. bad exercise, you are merely narrowing down the people whom you would trust the most with your finances (you do the same thing when you pick who you want to go with on vacation):
- Write one name per card
- Just write the name and move on to the next card
- Take the pile and one by one place each into one of two piles, potential accountability partners and not
- Be honest with yourself, and trust your first instinct
- Take the potential pile and use the qualities list from the first exercise to check off the matching qualities (using a numbered list with check marks is fine)
- Refine your pile by keeping only those with the highest number of matching qualities.
- Which one would you most want to be your accountability partner?
- Call them and ask them if they would consider this role in your life
Wrap Up
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. (Proverbs 15:22)
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Guess what? None of us are limited to only one accountability partner. Married couples can and should reach out to other couples and other good counsel to round out their “advisory board.” Singles should look to friends, family, and even others in their stack of potential names and ask for advice.
The proverb quoted above states with many advisers we succeed, but left to our own devices our plans will certainly fail.
In order to succeed in our personal finances, we need the help of others.